Day Three

Mood: 2/10 - Hardcore sugar withdrawal + sick & constantly roaring baby = head fit to blow.
Energy: 2/10 - I really have nothing at the moment. Was to play football today but on little sleep & coming down I couldn't. Brought Carra to playground & just sat on the bench, DEAD. 
Withdrawals? Stronger today. Sweating at random points even when my body was cold. Head very foggy. Drove away from the house with the door not just unlocked but WIDE OPEN. Can't think.

Ate/Drank:
  • Fruit for breakfast.
  • Lunch - steak, homemade chips, homemade guacamole.
  • Dinner - Two venison burgers with sweet potato.
  • Drank: 2.5 litres water, 3 cups of peppermint/detox tea.

Wow. Today was VERY challenging. Our one year old, Bayley, is ill with the same sinus infection I've had. As a result she's struggling to breathe through her nose and incessantly coughing. So she wouldn't sleep last night. I mean AT ALL. We tried to put her down at 8pm. She went into a pattern where she would sleep for about 5 minutes once we got her down, then wake up ROARING. This went on until...FOUR AM. When she slept for about 3 hours. MT was up with her most of the time however I couldn't sleep hearing Bayley roaring and worrying about MT. Today was much the same. All day. It's like there's a button on her back and every 5 seconds someone presses it. "UUUHHHWWWAAAHHH" she cries. Rinse & repeat. Over and over. Even now, we tried to put her down at 8pm and she has been down twice and up twice. She's still up and shows no signs of going down. I feel like this is something that only someone who has experienced it can understand. The combination of my low energy, low mood with my roaring child is dynamite. My head is completely gone. I legitimately feel like she's never going to sleep and as a result neither are we. I'm constantly on edge. Even in those few moments she isn't crying, I am hearing things and thinking she is. The powerlessness of not being able to help your kid in distress is brutal. She's had medicine, food, milk, fresh nappies, walks, long drives. Nothing settles her for more than five or ten minutes. 

With all that said, it is in some ways hard to evaluate how things are going. Under any circumstances today would be exhausting. However at the same time I can tell that my ability to rationally respond is very low. I can write this and tell you rationally that my daughter is a baby who is ill and suffering and her screams and roars are a result of being devoid of sleep and out of sorts. But in the moment when she is roaring, I just want to roar back and tell her to be quiet. I have no patience. I can just feel myself boiling and blowing. I would imagine a single person living alone with no one to answer to would have a better shot at getting through this whole30 without losing their mind completely!
Tomorrow MT is working so it is just me with the children - yes, including the really ill one - so I am very apprehensive about that. There is nothing I hate more than upsetting my girls and I really hope I can manage myself in this ok. 

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