Day Six

Mood: 3/10: Irritable. I was in work today, and I had looked forward to human contact all week after having to manage Bayley and her roaring. But I did not want to talk to anyone today. 

Energy: 3/10 - I feel exhausted. One thing you'll often hear me say is I'm tired but not sleepy - as in I can feel my body needs rest but my brain is still going. Not now. I just want to sleep.

Withdrawals? YES. My head hurt most of the day today. 

Ate/Drank:

• Fruit for breakfast.
• Lunch - Steak & sweet potato fries. 
• Dinner - Chicken, carrots and brocoli.
• Drank: 1.5l water, 5 cups of peppermint/detox/camomile tea

YEESH. Today about sucked. Withdrawal symptoms, temptation everywhere, and no energy to be dealing with it or with people. Fuck this. There was one key change today that didn't help. I have been trying to cut back on caffeine while I was giving up sugar. This has not been particularly difficult. I had been drinking 600 - 650mg of caffeine a day between coffee & diet coke, the equivalent of roughly six coffees. I cut back to 300mg instantly on Saturday and in the spirit of giving my body a break from things it probably could live without, I decided to wean off caffeine too. Yesterday I had just 50mg of caffeine and today, I flew solo. Boy did I suffer. My head just felt foggy and sore ALL FUCKING DAY. My body is feeling the sugarcrash as well, every insignificant thing was torture to me, like getting up off my desk to go to the printer. Even now. God I didn't want to write tonight. But discipline is important to me and when this is all over, I want a record of how it felt. It is important to note this is the first day that I will have consumed no sugar, no sweetener AND no caffeine literally since I was a small kid. You take the victories you get in times like these, big or small, and I am really pleased that I can say that today.

I changed my diet up today. I had steak for lunch because I needed something I would really enjoy. And I really enjoyed it! I had more tea today than water and less fruit. Warm liquid is good for the digestive system. My conscience had been at me for a few days to eat more vegetables, particularly given I'd gone out and bought some specifically to eat while doing this. Turns out my conscience has a name and it's Paula! My friend Paula reached out to me and shared her wisdom that when she had done something similar, veg really helped to fill her up. So I loaded up on carrots and brocoli. And it worked!

Now the temptations. They were everywhere today. First I went in to the office this morning and my colleague Aimee, better known as Ammo, who's recently been on holiday had brought back a big back of chupa chups lollies, including many cola ones. Anyone who knows me well will remember my crazed lollipop period a year ago. I bought boxes of like 100 cola chupa chups off ebay and they'd last me a month. Seeing this was killer. One little lollipop couldn't kill...could it? I just about avoided them. Then, I had to bring the registered post from our office to the post office in Santry. I cut through the Burger King as I always do. Traditionally EVERY Thursday and Friday when I do our post run I picked up a super size diet coke on my way. Coke being the thing I have missed the most, this about sucked. I love having my big diet coke sitting next to me all afternoon, ripe for the occasional sip and sweet hit. But I walked on. Then this evening, Carra was given a biscuit by her nana. She was full and could only manage half. She walked right up to me, put it about six inches away from my face and said "I'm full Dad, you eat my biscuit". In this moment, I had two choices. Stay the course and lose out on the quick sugary hit, or bite Carra's fucking hand off and taste that SWEET SWEET goodness. I am pleased to report her hand, and indeed all her limbs are still in tact. 

Bayley is much better which makes life a lot easier, but God I hope tomorrow is less arduous.