Sugarfree Me

Being a reasonably self aware person comes with its perks and its drawbacks. For example, it's a perk that I know my strengths and weaknesses so well. It just makes life easier. It's a drawback that I am so horrendously aware of my weaknesses at the same time though. Where do we start? I'm no chef. I can't sing. I have the rhythm of a wet mop which means musical talent is out, and much as I love to do it, I really can't 'dance' in the truest sense of the word. I'm scattered as hell and try as I might, my attention span still isn't very good...wait, what was I talking about?  You get my point. Anyway, my weaknesses are many & never far from my mind, but my strengths require a little more exploration. Bar one: I can communicate. There's a lot of unnecessarily complex and convoluted stuff going on inside my mind & body at any given moment, which can be challenging, but the one thing I have been blessed with is the ability to get it all of...

Dearest reader, I'm going to let you in on a secret. You've probably worked out that I love to write. I just adore it. There is more going on in my head than I can possibly get out into the world on a given day, and this medium is wonderfully therapeutic. But the one part of it I hate is titles. They're supposed to be snappy and grab your attention, while tying into the subject matter. My mind just goes blank when it comes time to title a blog. So you can perhaps imagine my joy when I fired up iTunes as I sat down to write what your about to read and CHVRCHES' "Heaven/Hell" came on. Because that's what I want to ask you today. Is this heaven, or is this hell? Only you have the answer. Allow me present you with a couple of lists of 'facts' about me and my life: We'll call this one 'Hell'.  I'm 34 years of age and my 'youth' is behind me, that's kind of sad. I have two mortgages dangling over my head and I will f...

Most days come and go without incident. You get up and go about your day. Things happen. Some stick with you a while, some don't, but nothing makes a lasting impression.  And then there are days - & dates - that you know will stick with you for the rest of your life.   June 29th is one of those dates for me. June 29th 2001 is one of those days specifically. Who am I kidding with my 'one of'? This is the date, the one   that's burned into my brain more deeply than any other. Some years it kind of creeps up on me. Last year was one of those years. I was working and I went to put a date on a letter. June 29th. Holy fuck, I'd forgotten. It's that day. And it all came flooding back. I remember that day so well. I remember the week well. Hell I remember the month. It was as formative a time in my life as any other, filled with milestones. I finished school on my 17th birthday, May 21st, and pushed on into my leaving cert in June. I finished with my hi...

If there's a silver lining to tonight - and there really isn't, I'm clutching at straws - I have always wanted to use that Funeral For a Friend song title as a blog title but nothing ever seemed to fit. The downside of having such a contented love life, I suppose. Make no mistake though, what happened in Kiev tonight really is this years most open heartbreak. Worldwide, millions of fans of this grand, old, wonderful, mythical and special football club are heartbroken. I would wager not many more so than me. And I have a need in my heart and soul to express and explore that, because left to its own devices, it might well drive me crazy.  I sent a text into my WhatsApp group chat with my friends earlier: "There is nothing like sport lads. We sit on the precipice. By the end of this evening, we will either have had the night of our lives or be inconsolably devastated". So I knew what was coming, but I still wasn't prepared. I don't want to care this m...